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:iconth3chos3non3: More from Th3Chos3nOn3


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Submitted on
January 21, 2010
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752
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His kisses are like raindrops,
that fall during summer night's rain,
The kind that make me want to dance,
and are the ones that make me feel alive.

His magnificent coffee bean hazel eyes,
are like an abyss of silence,
That display the words he can't say,
and they're that kind that blow me away.

His smile is like a Kodak moment,
that brightens up my whole day,
It's like a breath-taking view,
a once in lifetime chance to see.

His heartbeat is my favorite song,
that I'm addicted to hearing,
His heart is my anti-drug,
one of the very few things that I cherish.

My love for him is like rain-kissed leaves,
that are forever falling off the trees,
Which I'm falling for him more and more,
and sometimes it scares me to death.

My life without him in it,
is like a world without color,
God without his son Jesus Christ,
and a life without love and only hatred.

To him I am perfect,
but a perfect girl isn't real,
I may seem like a beautiful rose,
but in truth, every rose has its thorn.

There may be other guys,
but they'll never compare to him,
What he has that they don't,
is my undying love and my heart.
:iconthewrittenrevolution:
My first attempt at no rhyming. :)

Note: This was written to my first love, and we're no longer together.
I honestly don't know why people keep favoring it, but please, I have a hard time reading through it.
If you leave a comment, I'll try my best to reply.
I love this piece, but it's difficult going through heartbreak.
Christopher Jacob Tyler Cassady, if you ever see this, please know that I'll always love you deep down.
We are no longer speaking, but these are all I have left.

:star:To anyone that reads this, I'd like feedback on it.
:star:Can you relate to the imagery in the poem?
:star:Is it realistic and smooth-sounding?
:star:What do you suggest I do to fix it?
:star:Grammar errors?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconthelastincubus:
TheLastIncubus Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2011  Student General Artist
"Coffee bean hazel eyes." Oh, how I wish this was for me. I feel you, Mademoiselle. Beautiful description and awesome imagery. :hug: I wish for your happiness. And, oh yeah, "Kodak moment" made me smile, just so you know. :salute: So awesome!
Reply
:iconth3chos3non3:
Th3Chos3nOn3 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I just noticed your name was Jake, and well, we aren't together anymore...but thank you. ^^;
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:iconthelastincubus:
TheLastIncubus Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Student General Artist
:O_o: Er, why what's in my name? Anyway, I know how it feels, but trust me, nothing Time couldn't heal. Godspeed and more power. :hug:
Reply
:iconth3chos3non3:
Th3Chos3nOn3 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh! Well, this poem is about my ex boyfriend, whose nickname was Jake. :3
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:iconthelastincubus:
TheLastIncubus Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2011  Student General Artist
Oh, wow. Talk about the laws of Chance, my dear. Whew~ Well, anyway. :meow: Godspeed on moving on, Mademoiselle.
Reply
:iconth3chos3non3:
Th3Chos3nOn3 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:nod: Mhm.
Reply
:iconrazorkissed-wrists:
razorkissed-wrists Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2010  Student General Artist
:iconthewrittenrevolution:
i like how subtle yet strong this poem is! i love the comparisons you made. i feel like im in love now ;_;
Reply
:iconth3chos3non3:
Th3Chos3nOn3 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, thank you very much. :)

and yeah, I feel like that whenever I read it. :P
Reply
:icononewingedangel19:
OneWingedAngel19 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2010
I absolutly love this. :heart:
My favorite part however has to be the last two stanzas.
To him I am perfect,
but a perfect girl isn't real,
I may seem like a beautiful rose,
but in truth, every rose has its thorn.

There may be other guys,
but they'll never compare to him,
What he has that they don't,
is my undying love and my heart.


It just made me think of when you meet that one person who just blows away any feelings you've ever had for anyone else in comparison. And how hopefully he feels the same way back, despite your faults. ^^

Haha, and its kind of funny, i'm reading through this and thinking of my boyfriend, after i'm done n relating to it personally i look at your artist comments and laughed. Guess what my boyfriend's name is?
Reply
:iconth3chos3non3:
Th3Chos3nOn3 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Let me guess, is it Jake? xD

And thank you for the fav:heart:
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